Monday, May 4, 2009

The bottome line is, I'm selfish

Sometimes I catch myself wondering what the rest of my pregnancy will bring. Some of the thoughts that come to my head are very stressful. I am stressed I will get incredibly huge these next few months. I'm stressed that something will go terribly wrong during the delivery. I'm stressed that I'll not have a healthy baby. Basically, I'm stressed about the whole pregnancy process!!

Then I remember, this is just the beginning of it. My pregnancy fears don't even come close to the reality of raising a kid. My lifetime of worrying will have just begun after the labor and delivery. At times I think I am borderline crazy for having a baby. Kids are ridiculously expensive, I'll have considerably less freedom, they're a TON of work for very little recognition and honestly, they can down right be a total pain in the ass. For a while I thought I had convinced myself that this kid thing wasn't for me. The one main factor that almost did my baby dream in was......TEENAGERS!!! Really, who willingly would put themselves through that hell? Why did I get pregnant when I know good and well there is no such thing as a pleasant teenager? It wasn't too long ago when I was a teenager myself. I remember all the grief and unnecessary headaches I gave my parents. God bless their souls for putting up with my crap. From a non-emotional view it makes absolutely no sense why I would ever want a child!!

I have thought this through and through and the only answer I can come up with is I'm selfish. The reason why I am willing to sign myself up for a life time of energy and worry is for the self satisfaction I will receive out of it. I am looking forward to the feeling I'll get when my child takes his/her first steps, speaks their first words, starts their first day of kindergarten and when they graduate college. Before, I got joy from a new Coach Bag or a new pair of Stuart Weitzman Strappy Sandals. My previous self centered, materialistic lifestyle will soon be given up for a 6 month old who will project bodily fluids on/at me. It will be those important and not so important milestones in my child's life that will be so rewarding. This will be one instance where my selfish actions will not be looked down upon because they're selfless. It's this "selfish selflessness" that's giving me the courage to bring a child into this world.

1 comment:

Joanna&Dave said...

I love this post :) but we need pictures!!