I am Blessed.

While I might not have the the biggest house or a ton of money in the bank, none of those things matter.  I am blessed beyond measure.  Sometimes I forget to appreciate that.  Ugh.  I can get caught up in the little (albeit annoying) everyday trials.  And from time to time, I fixate on these things enough that they ruin my day, all the while ignoring the important things in life.

Last night at 2 AM I couldn't sleep so I decided to get up and search the internet.  I was completely expecting to waste my time on TMZ and read gossip about celebrities who have lost touch with all of reality.  Anyway, the world of celebrity gossip wasn't overly exciting so I just start searching random web pages.  I wasn't searching for anything in particular or worthwhile, I was just hoping I would tire myself out and eventually head back to bed.  But then I stumbled across this blog.  And it brought me to tears.  And I could not stop reading. 


If you have the time I recommend reading this woman's birth story of her second child.  This story touched me.  I hate to describe it as sad because it's far from that.  Maybe the word unexpected is more appropriate? And definitely beautiful.  I could picture myself in her shoes and it was heart wrenching.  It was the most honest story I have ever read and it changed my outlook on how I live my life.  I can't say that I can remember ever reading a story that affected me like this.  


It made me stop and think about my own life.  And I felt guilty for sometimes letting the insignificant, little things get in the way of appreciating how blessed I truly am.  I have a husband who loves me and who adores our daughter.  I have a baby who is happy and healthy.  We live comfortably and have all the tools for a happy life.  We just have to remember to stop and appreciate life.  And appreciate it often.  Because we only get one chance to live it.      


Since having Macy, I have learned to slow down and find joy in the most obvious places.  Like today, the sun was shining and the birds were singing.  Yes, it is 1 million degrees outside, but that didn't stop us lying in the yard and watching the clouds go by.  It was a beautiful day and fresh air never felt so good.  

More Pics of Miss Macy!

Are You Nuts?

This past weekend I was talking to Jason about plans for our upcoming Anniversary.  It's not until September but when you have a baby and no money you have to make plans waaaayyyyy in advance.  Anyway, I was talking about either making a trip to Port Aransas or South Padre Island, both of which would require an overnight hotel stay.  


I thought it was assumed that the trip would include all three of us, Jason, Macy and I.  Silly me.


Jason assumed that the trip would be just the two of us and he mentioned getting a baby sitter........for an overnight trip.  


My response was "Are you nuts?'  


We then got into a debate on why I thought it was the dumbest idea ever.  But he told me to reconsider it because eventually, at some point, I will have to spend a night away from the baby.  


So I thought about it......


Hmm, leaving the baby overnight?  I don't know.  That sounds scary.  But really, it shouldn't be too hard.  Maybe he has a point, I mean, I can't spend every night with the baby for the rest of my life.   We will only be sleeping under separate roofs and only for one night.  Come on, other mom's do it.  Why can't you?


And then I started to panic......


But what if something goes wrong?  What if she needs to go to the hospital and I am not there to be with her?  And she NEEDS her mom.  I am the only one who can successfully get her to sleep so it would be complete insanity to leave her overnight.  Both the baby sitter and Macy will be miserable.  Oh and so will I.  I will be so miserable I won't even enjoy my trip without her.  And I would probably cry.  And have a panic attack.  


So after I thought about it, I responded with "Are you effing nuts?  No we are not leaving the baby."


Looks like we will be making our anniversary trip a family affair......

The Sweetest Sound.

Every morning I am woken up to Macy cooing in her crib.  She isn't crying.  She isn't fussing for me to come get her.  She's just content playing in her crib by herself.  It's the sweetest sound.  I love waking up to her babbles each day.  I lay in my bed, with the sun just peaking in through the windows and listen to her squeal in delight for the new day.  As much as I am tempted to grab her and cuddle with her in my bed, I don't.  I let her enjoy her time alone.  There is something so precious about it.  And it warms my heart.  And I can't think of a better way to start my day.  

So now I know we are meant to be.

In case I had any questions that Jason wasn't Mr. Right, I now can't deny it.  We were totally meant to be.  And now I have proof.


Good thing......because we have a baby and all. 


Whew.


Today I was going through Macy's room and I came across a gift that was given to my mom when I was a baby almost 30 years ago.  The gift was from my Uncle Paul and Aunt Linda from Ohio and it was a bonnet that was to be used at my baptism and then later at my wedding as a handkerchief.  

Well, it wasn't wasn't used for either.  Apparently my mom misplaced it and didn't find it until last December when I was about to deliver Macy.  So she gave it to me for my baby.  Probably so I can misplace it and give it to Macy on the eve of her baby's birth.......gotta keep the tradition alive.  


Anyway, I found the box and I was showing Macy (you know, because I was running out of stuff to entertain her with so I made a game up out of cleaning out her closet.  Hey, I am desperate, and there are only so many things to keep a 6 month old entertained all day).  The lettering on the box is kinda hard to make out......well, because it's been 30 years......see for yourself:

Upon closer inspection, something caught my eye.  Something significant:

This handkerchief was made in Derry, New Hampshire.  That's the small town that my husband was born in.  I had to Google it, but in 2009 Derry's population was only 22,000 people.  


Kinda bizarre right?!  So either this is a HUGE coincidence or it's a sign that Jason and I were meant to be together and have a baby.  Ummm, I don't know about you but I think this TOTALLY means we're soul mates!  


And I will leave you with a picture of the child that was meant to be.  Isn't she just precious?

Note:  I am completely kidding with all of this.  Honestly, I don't need a handkerchief to validate my marriage.  But it does help.......kidding again.  

Called the Doctor Once Again....

Yet again, I had to the call the doctor regarding Macy.  She has this crazy rash all over her body.  So when she woke up with it on Sunday, I knew that if it wasn't cleared up by Monday morning I would need to make a call on her behalf to her doctors office.  I was dreading this call because remember, they already think I am crazy.


Well, Monday morning rolled around and a phone call was in order.  So I called but I really made myself look like an wacko.  I totally did not help out my "I swear, I am not crazy" cause.


Here is the breakdown of events.  Some how, some way, I really manage to complicate things......


In order to speak with a doctor, my practice requires that you leave a message for them on their messaging service and then someone will call you back.  Ugh, annoying.  But whatever, just call me back and tell me what to do.  So I call the service......like I have MANY times in the last two weeks.......and I try to leave a message.  Ten seconds into my message and automated recording plays that says something along the lines of "to send this message please press 1, to replay this message please press 2, blah, blah, blah".  WTF?  Umm, I have never heard this recording before but it cut me off mid way through my message.  I didn't know what number to press so I just hung up.  Ugh, Great now I will have to call back. 


I call the number back, press all the appropriate numbers to get to Macy's doctor's mailbox and tried to explain that I left a message a few minutes ago and somehow I got cut off.  About half way through me trying to explain why I got cut off, I WAS CUT OFF AGAIN.  Eff me.  I haven't even begun to leave a message about what is the matter with Macy and I am cut off.  Looks like I will have to call back AGAIN.


So, when I called back this time I decided to leave a brief message about what is wrong with my daughter and leave it at that.   But before I got a chance to leave a call back number the damn answering service HUNG UP ON ME AGAIN.  Effffffff!  So like a physco, I called again to leave my phone number.


In case you lost count, I called a total of 4 times.  And I made myself look like a complete asshole.


About two minutes later I received a call from the doctors phone number.  I thought great.  I can explain to them something is wrong with the answering service and instead of looking like a crazy-ass-mom, they will think I'm actually awesome because I brought their messaging service problem to their attention.  I am sure they will even be GLAD I called.  


I picked up the call and it was the doctor's receptionist.   She wanted to know what exactly I was trying to say in my messages and why I called a total of 4 times in 3 minutes.  And she didn't much care to hear my *funny but helpful* story regarding their messaging service.  By trying to explain the snafu I only made myself seem a little more weird.  Well, that didn't go according to plan.  So much for trying to prove that I really am nice and not at all crazy.


To sum up the story, the doctor called me about 5 hours later and told me it's a rash that's going around and basically there is nothing I can do but wait it out.  


Well, I guess I went through all of that for a non-existent remedy.  

More pictures for your viewing enjoyment....

Here are a few more pics I have taken of Miss Macy.  Over the past two weeks I have neglected taking pictures due to Macy's sickness.  Next week I plan on getting back into photography so I don't forget what I have learned......if I haven't already!  

If it's not one thing, then it's another....

So Macy is still pooping too much.  And we're going on 11 days now.  But it is getting better.  Now she is only pooping about 10 times a day as opposed to the 27 times a day she was going last week.  We are slowly making progress back to a normal pooping schedule.  Thank goodness.  

Since that's getting better it would only make sense that something would go wrong.  For the last three days she has been broken out in hives.  Poor thing just can't catch a break.  I have no idea what is causing her hives.  I can't pinpoint the issue and its frustrating.  I have tried switching up her diapers, her formula and changing her sheets but nothing has worked.  


Once again I have called the doctor for their advice (which was to giver her Benadryl).  No joke, in the last 11 days I have called the doctor about 15 times and taken Macy in for 2 visits.  I am sure they think I have that disease that causes mothers to make their children sick.  I just Googled it and it's called Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy.  OMG, I am almost positive they think I have it.  When I leave a message for the nurse to call me back I always start it with the same line........."Hey, it's me again". Should I be on the look out for Child Protective Services to show up at my front door?!  


I just want my baby to get better not only for her sake but also because I don't wanna get hauled off to jail because the authorities are convinced I am purposefully making my child ill.

BP, I Can Relate.....

So hey BP, I kinda know what you are feeling right now.  Oil is pumping at an alarming rate into the Gulf of Mexico and THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP THE FLOW.  Yeah, I get it.  I totally know the feeling.  I cannot stop the flow from my daughters butt.  No matter how hard I try the poop keeps coming.  Frustrating, isn't it?!  But you are on day 45 of you little disaster and I am only on day 5.  Ugh, lets hope I can put an end to this bad situation and find a resolution sooner than you a-holes can.  Really, golf balls and tires?!  That's what you came up with?!  Yeah, that is about as effective as trying solving my daughters situation with golf ball and tires.  Not.gonna.work.  


But anyway, I digress.  


We are on day 5 of Poopfest 2010 and it's not letting up.  No exaggeration, she had about 25 poopy diapers yesterday.  My poor baby.  I feel horrible that a) this has been going on for 5 days and b) I can't figure out how to make it stop.  Macy's lab results from Wednesday came back and it's not a bacterial infection.  And in desperation I have switched her formula on the off chance that she has a food allergy.  So far nothing has made an impact.  


I was reading on WebMD that diarrhea can last up to three weeks in infants.  WTF, three weeks?!  You have got to be kidding me.  The thought of Macy going through this for an additional 2 weeks is more than I can bare.  OMG, I just want my baby to get better!  


But my girl is handling it in stride.  She has been really good through this all considering the circumstances.  Even the doctor commented on her mellow mood.  


So everyone please say a little prayer for Miss Macy!  I need her to get better!

My Baby is STILL Sick!

Macy is still sick.  Ugh.  What a whirlwind the last few days have been.  I'm not the one who's sick but I still feel so far out of touch with the outside world.  My only focus the last few days has been caring for my little girl.  I didn't even know what day it was until I turned on the news this morning.  Holy crap!!  It's Thursday already??!

Poor little thing is still pooping like crazy.  It's heartbreaking seeing her like this.  Right before she dirties a diaper she looks at me with the saddest eyes and makes a frowny face.  Shortly there after I hear a mini explosion in her pants and know that it's time to change her.  Yesterday she had AT LEAST 20+ dirty diapers.

To top it all off she has a diaper rash.  

I was able to get her into the doctors yesterday afternoon.  Basically it's nothing more than a stomach virus and I just have to let it run it's course.  They did run a few tests and I should know more from them on Friday.  

But in good news, her fever has finally broken.  That's a sign that things are headed in the right direction.  Or at least I hope......

I really hate to complain while Macy is sick as a dog but I AM EXHAUSTED!!  I haven't got a good nights rest since this all started on Monday.  I am up at least 8 times a night changing Macy's diaper or feeding her.  Every chance I get I am shoving a bottle in her mouth because I don't want her to get dehydrated.........even at 3 AM when I am dead ass tired.  


And when Macy sleeps I still not able to.  Since she needs her mama's love so I have her sleeping in the bed with me.  And even when she is sick, sleeping with her is like sleeping with a Tasmanian Devil.  I think I got kicked in the ribs 5 times last night.  Let me tell you, getting woken up by a karate chop to the abdomen is not my ideal wake up call.


This is a time where I wished the Grandparents lived a little closer......just so I could take a nap.  And maybe clean my house.  Seriously, I took 2 days off from cleaning and it looks like a bomb when off in this place.

My Baby Doesn't Feel Good :(

Something is wrong with my baby.  Poor little thing is not her usual self today.  She had about 6 poopy diapers since she woke up and they have been a little on the runny side.  TMI?  Eh, whatev.  


She also has slept a majority of the day.  During the 2-3 hours that she has been awake she has been in no mood to play.  All she wants to do is snuggle up with mom and do a sad little whimper/cry.  It's heartbreaking.  


To top it all off she has a diaper rash.  


I hope my girl starts feeling better soon.  I miss her big smiles.  I haven't seen too many of them today :(

Weight Loss Update

I am on Day 8 of my weight loss quest and so far so good.  I am happy to report that I am 5 lbs down from when I started.  At this rate I am two weeks away from hitting my pre-pregnancy weight, which is now 10 lbs away.  Ha.  For some reason I don't think it will be this easy.  I have a feeling it will take me longer than two weeks.......


Am I getting ahead of myself by wanting to lose an additional 10 lbs after I get to my pre-pregnancy weight?  So in 4 weeks, I will be 20 lbs lighter!?!  Ummm yeah.  I'll just be happy if I can meet this goal in the next 3 or 4 months.


Since I have already set the bar high I was thinking I would throw a half marathon in the mix.  I am planning on signing up for a half marathon for the beginning of October.  That means I have 4 months to get my ass in shape  ::blank stare::  Maybe I should start working out?  Like soon?  Well, I did run/walk (more so walk) last week for a few mornings.  But I haven't worked out since last Wednesday.  And my excuse for not doing so?   Well, I got a flat tire and the tire store didn't put my spare tire underneath the false floor thingy in my trunk.  So the tire takes up all the room in my trunk and there is no room for the stroller.  ::rolls eyes::  Lame, right?


Gawd.  I sound like the laziest person alive.  But hey, I'll take any excuse to not work out  ::sigh::  Today I think I might get my trunk situation in order and start my workout routine tomorrow. 

This Week in Pictures....

Here are a few pics that I have taken over the past week.....