Thursday, July 1, 2010

I Love Staying at Home

Prior to having Macy, I fully intended on going back to work.  The thought of becoming a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) was overwhelming and I thought I honestly wasn't cut out for it.  No-way, I NEEDED adult interaction.  Plus I didn't go through 4 years of college to sit at home, ya know? But the biggest motivator for me to continue working was the whole paycheck thing.  I liked money too much to quit my job.  I mean, how could I walk away from that money?!  So yeah, the pre-baby Kathy planned on being a working mom and sending her newborn baby off to daycare.  Seemed completely acceptable, right?

Wrong.  I had my baby and I feel head over heels in love.  And my "plan" of going back to work was not so acceptable anymore.  I didn't care if we had to live in a box, I did not want to leave my newborn.  Every single day of my maternity leave I cried thinking about returning to work.  I begged, no, pleaded with Jason to let me quit.  But he wanted to be responsible, save up more money, get some things in order, and then, maybe 6 months down the road we would revisit the idea of me becoming a SAHM  ::rolls eyes::  What??  6 months?!?  Umm, yeah, don't be ridiculous and try to claim you are being responsible.  There is no way I can continue working.  Like it's physically impossible for me.  I think I might die if I return to work.  Really.  Like I'll DIE.

But I did go back.  Reluctantly.  And like always when I don't get my way, I nagged Jason to death about quitting.  I bitched about working EVERY SINGLE chance I got.  And eventually, he got tired of hearing me complain and gave me the OK to quit.

So see, being a brat does pay off.......whoever says otherwise obviously didn't nag long enough.  Ha!  I'm joking,  Really, there was a lot more thought and rational put into the decision of me quitting.  I'm not really a brat.  Honest.  But I also don't deny that I used this bargaining method ;)

Once I got the OK to quit, I was ecstatic!  I couldn't wait to stay at home with Macy.  Finally!  I would be living the dream life.  I could get back in shape, dress my baby in cutesy smocked dresses with frilly hair bows and I could spend my days shopping.  I always envied moms who pushed their perfect babies in their expensive strollers while meeting their rich friends for lunch.  And OMG, I was finally going to become one of them!!!

And then it dawned on me........I just quit my job which meant we were broke.  I wouldn't have money to shop.  Reality was going to be nothing like my fantasy.  Besides, I had a cheap ass Graco stroller so I would never fit in with those moms I envied.

Reality sucks sometimes.  I would be lying if I said I didn't have any doubts about my decision to quit.  The grass is always greener, right?  What if I hated staying home?  What if I made a mistake quitting my job?  Then what?  I bitched so much about working that Jason might loose it if I told him I changed my mind.

So yeah, I was pretty nervous about becoming a SAHM.

We have made a lot of sacrifices for me to be a SAHM.  And it's been hard adjusting.  I wish we had more money.  I feel guilty that Jason works while I stay home with Macy.  But even so, I love staying at home and wouldn't trade it for all the money in the world.  All my fears (while they might be somewhat valid) are out weighed by reward I get from spending my days with Macy.  This is the best job I have ever had.  Go ahead, roll your eyes now.  I probably would too at the sappiness of that comment.  And even though I don't get paid monetarily, a price tag could never be put on what I get out of it.  Go ahead.  Roll your eyes again.

Who wouldn't want to spend their day with this........


Kate said...

That's a gorgeous picture!

I've been working full time for most of Lily's life, and I remind myself constantly of the benefits of daycare blah blah blah. But since I've gone from part time, and I've had more days with her, I'm reminded of how valuable the one-on-one time is for both of us. It's been awesome.

I seriously doubt I'll ever look back one day and think, "damn, I should've worked more." Seriously!?

Your blog is great, I really enjoy reading it. (k8elee03 from WCF)

Jessica said...

This post is hilarious. I laughed out loud reading the part about shopping and meeting friends for lunch and then realizing you are broke! I am sure it is all worth it though!! I will be going back to work when the twins are about 6 months...that is if I am lucky. I may be back sooner than that :( I already envy you! (And your cheap ass Graco stroller).