I am a Slow Learner

Here is another part of my birth story that I forgot to mention.....

The day before I had Macy, I had a doctors appointment where I learned I would have a C-Section the next day at 4:00 PM. They informed me at this doctors appointment that I was not to eat or drink after midnight so I would be ready for surgery the next day. Sounds easy, right? WRONG.

I decided to eat one last HUGE meal that night. We went to my favorite restaurant, Highway 77 Pizzeria (which serves food other than Pizza) and I ordered a Philly Cheese Steak Baked Potato and Cheese Sticks (someone please tell me why I gained 60 lbs again?). Not only did I load up on grease but I got my full share of sodium as well. After we ate I went home and passed out like a fat pig. Whatdoyaknow, I woke up at 12:30 AM DYING OF THIRST!! I tip toed out to the kitchen to sneak a drink and my husband caught me. I some how convinced him to give me the last Dr. Pepper (I had an addiction to Dr. Pepper when I was pregnant) so I could swish cold liquid around in my mouth and then spit it out (which is completely lady like, BTW). Initially he said no because I would cheat and swallow some. I swore I wouldn't and he handed over the Dr. Pepper. Yeah, I fooled him. I totally swallowed some.

After that I headed to bed to try to sleep off my dehydration. I am not sure how that works but I was hoping it would because I seriously thought I was going to die if I didn't have something to drink and soon. I tossed and turned and finally came to the conclusion I wasn't going to sleep. All I could think about was having something to drink.

I got out of bed the next morning and thought for sure the day would fly by making my last preparation for the baby. That wasn't the case at all. Literally, I thought about having a drink every 5 seconds. I did the swish liquid around in my mouth and secretly swallow some move multiple times that day. I thought I was so cleaver, even if it didn't make much of an impact on my thirst.

I made my husband promise me to have a HUGE bottle of Orange Gatorade waiting for me in the recovery room. I thought. "Fine. I will wait this out, have my baby and chug some Gatorade. Life will be good."


WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME THAT I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DRINK AFTER I HAD A C-SECTION??!

Once I got back to recovery I immediately asked for my Gatorade and requested my husband stop at the cafeteria and get me a sugar cookie (you know the kind with icing on the top?!). I thought I was going to cry when the nurse looked at me and laughed. The world stood still when she told me I wouldn't be able to have anything to eat or drink until the morning. Excuse me?! Did you say tomorrow morning?

Fast forward to about 4 hours later.......I finally got some ice chips from the nurse! Apparently whining enough and having your husband ask 50 billion times when you can could get something to drink will score you some ice chips. The nurse caved, went against the doctors orders and gave me what I wanted. Little did I know this was her revenge for putting up with my whining. At the time I didn't recognize her plot to get back at me.....

I thought she was cool. She thought I was annoying. And I was getting ice chips.

Once I got my ice chips the nurse gave me VERY SPECIFIC instructions not to eat too fast. But, I was up to my sneaky antics again and every time my nurse turned her head I would scoop as many handfuls of ice in my mouth as I could get. OMG, ice never tasted so good! I also chugged my husband's Dr. Pepper when he wasn't looking.

Clearly my nurse gave me those instructions for my benefit. Why did I not realize that and listen to her? Because 10 minutes later I was puking my brains out and I couldn't stop! My poor husband, he had to hold a bucket while I threw up in it. Our relationship reached new heights on that day. Finally, I stopped throwing up. But not until my insides felt like they had been ripped out. Not only was I uncomfortable because I just had a C-Section but I just dry heaved for 15 minutes.

Do you think I learned my lesson? Nope. I did it again. I ate handfuls of ice and I was back to puking my brains out.

Me = stoopid.

After round two of puking I decided that I would wait until the morning before I had anything to eat or drink......like my doctor originally recommended.

The lesson learned is - LISTEN TO WHAT YOU MEDICAL STAFF HAS TO SAY!! They might be on to something.